Fostering in her 60s is a dream come true for Margaret Collick. She talks to Wendy Roberts in the run-up to Foster Care Fortnight, which begins on Monday.
WHEN Margaret Collick became a first-time foster mum at the age of 56, her friends thought she was crazy.
Despite not having children of her own, she decided it was time to share her home – and her heart – with youngsters who needed her.
"I couldn't have kids," said 62-year-old Margaret, of Matlock. "I've had experience with my nieces and nephews and I wanted to do more.
"I'd enjoyed lots of freedom as a young woman and I'd travelled the world. For me, it was the right time to settle down and become a 'mum'."
Margaret started by offering respite care to children at the weekends. Things took off after she realised how nice it was to have young people in the house.
Margaret and her husband, Tom, now look after a teenage boy on a permanent basis. He is the light of their lives and Margaret wishes she had started fostering years ago.
She still works full-time and Tom is semi-retired from his career as a landscape gardener but the pair love being foster carers.
And their "son" is everything they could have dreamed of. Margaret, who fosters for Derbyshire County Council, said: "We've hardly had a cross word since he came to stay. And I think he's slammed the door in a huff about once.
"He's a lovely, lovely lad. We're a family and I love it so much. Almost as soon as I met him, we started to get close. He was just so warm and affectionate."
The boy first came to Margaret and Tom when he was eight. Eight years later, the relationship is as strong as ever.
"I've told him he's always got a home here, with us," said Margaret. "And I don't think he'll be going anywhere soon. He's got a nice big bedroom and he's happy here. He shares a really special bond with Tom. On the weekend, the pair are inseparable.
"It's wonderful to see. We spend our spare time together as a family and it really is hugely rewarding."
Margaret cannot go into too much detail about the young man she looks after but she says his life was difficult. When she found out more about his circumstances, she wanted to help.
He first started to visit Margaret and Tom at the weekends. The couple offered him respite care once a month and he jumped at the chance. Their fondness for each other grew and Margaret asked if he could come and see them more often.
Derbyshire County Council was in the process of searching for a permanent foster placement for him and Margaret knew there was a shortage of willing foster families. Everything tied in nicely.
"I asked if I could do it," she said. "He'd been coming every weekend anyway. He loved being here and I was happy to have him.
"It didn't take too long before it was agreed that he could come and live with us. It was an amazing experience and I was so happy.
"I think I got bitten by the bug. Having a child in our house brought everything to life. He was so wonderful and we knew we were doing something very worthwhile."
Margaret has ploughed her efforts into her foster son and seen him grow into a "wonderful young person". She said the early days were a bit tricky as everyone adapted to their new role but it was not long before Margaret knew she had done the right thing.
She said "I had things to sort out in school and, for a while, my phone rang quite a bit. But it was fine and Tom and I were happy to get involved.
"Since then, life runs very smoothly indeed. He's a home bird and he never gives us any bother.
"All our family and friends adore him and, when he comes into my work, everyone wants to talk to him."
As well as providing a safe and loving home for her foster son, Margaret has successfully rebuilt the relationship he had with his mother.
On Christmas Day, they all shared a special family meal together. Margaret said: "I invited his mum and she came. We had a wonderful time and everyone got on very well. They see each other regularly now and I'm delighted.
"It's something which has worked out well."
Margaret describes herself as a hands-on and caring woman. She says she never realised just how much love she could give a young person.
"It's like he's always been here, living with us," she said. "I can't imagine life without him. He helps round the house and can't leave Tom alone when he's got jobs to do. He's like a little Tom now.
"They are hilarious when they're together."
As well as being a foster mum, Margaret spends every Sunday looking after a 16-year-old boy whoM she met through her volunteering work for the Youth Offending Service.
He comes to visit Margaret and Tom every weekend. Margaret said: "The two boys get on very well and it's nice to have an extra person on the weekend. He needs us too. We go and pick him up and we take him home at the end of the day.
"He has a fry-up every Sunday morning. It's tradition now."
It seems nothing is too much trouble for Margaret. She juggles work and home really well but said there was a reason why.
"I've just got myself a cleaner," she said. "I haven't had one for very long but it's wonderful. It means I'm free on the weekend to give both of them my full attention.
"And I absolutely love it. We go out and do things and I feel really happy. In the summer, we take them away with us.
"We like to go to Cornwall. These days, I don't need foreign holidays. I've been to all the places I want to visit.
"Now it's about having a good time with the young people in our lives."
Margaret said she feels sad whenever she hears about children who suffer neglect and are forced to live in difficult circumstances.
She said she would like a bigger house so she could offer more youngsters a stable childhood. She believes children deserve the right to a stable and happy childhood but she knows that is an impossible wish.
"I do get upset when I read about kids who don't have enough to eat and don't have a bed to sleep in," said Margaret. "But you can't change the world and you can't help everyone.
"For me, it's about doing what I can. I feel really happy that I'm a foster carer. It has been a life-changing experience for me and I've loved every minute of it.
"It's so fantastic to be a family. Tom and I spent so long as a couple and that was lovely. But now we've got someone else to share our life with and it's really rewarding."
A FEW TIPS IF YOU ARE THINKING OF TAKING ON A FOSTER CARER'S ROLE:Q: What is fostering and who is it for?
A: Fostering offers children and young people in care a stable family environment if their own parents are unable to look after them.
Q: What is the difference between fostering and adoption?
A: Fostering is a way of offering children a home until they can return to their family, although many live with foster carers for years, some for their whole childhoods.
Fostered children continue to be legally part of their own family, even if there is limited contact with them.
Adoption ends a child's legal relationship with their birth family and the child permanently lives with a new family. About 4,000 out of the 78,000 children in care away from home in the UK are awaiting adoptive families.
Q: Why do children need fostering?
A: Foster carers look after children so families have the chance to sort out their problems. These problems can range from a family member's short-term illness to a parent's depression or drug or alcohol abuse. Many children have been abused or neglected.
Some children will need to be looked after for only a short time until they can return home, while others will stay with foster carers for the longer term or move elsewhere.
Q: Why should I consider fostering?
A: Foster carers play a key role in transforming children's lives. Fostering is not easy but it offers the opportunity to make a huge difference to children and can be rewarding. People who want to foster need to care about children, have great communication skills and be ready for a challenge.
Q: What does a foster carer do?
A:Foster carers provide children with their day-to-day care and much more.
They may have to help these children come to terms with difficult or traumatic experiences.
They will support children in their education and look after their health and social wellbeing.
The role is varied and challenging. It also includes attending meetings, keeping records, managing behaviour and promoting contact with birth families.
Foster carers receive pre and post-approval training and support to help them develop the skills needed to do this challenging and rewarding work.
Read about what is being done to raise awareness of 700 Derbyshire children seeking a home here