Stammering was ruining Jennifer Thornburn's life, until she sought help. Wendy Roberts reports.
TEARS welled up in everyone's eyes as they listened to Jennifer Thornburn address the congregation at her sister's wedding.
Surrounded by family and friends, the 25-year-old recited a beautiful reading with fluency and grace. For someone who hated talking and cried herself to sleep at night, the occupational therapist even amazed herself.
Now Jennifer's stammer, which struck at the age of five, is where it should be – well and truly under control.
"For years, my stammer stopped me from enjoying life," she says. "It made me cry and I'd do anything not to speak. I hated meeting new people and stopped going out.
"I dreaded reading out loud at school and worried if I had to make a phone call. My stammer got so bad that everything got on top of me. My teenage years were very tough and the more I tried to talk, the harder it was for me to speak. Silence, it seemed, was the only answer."
Three years ago, Jennifer's life changed. She enrolled on a programme to address her stammer and the results have been remarkable. As she talks about her journey, it is hard to envisage Jennifer struggling to speak. She is smiley, chatty and full of words.
It is a far cry from how she used to be and when she demonstrates how bad she was, it is shocking to see how long her stammer would last.
"I'd be trying to get a word out for ages and ages," she says. "If it wasn't so upsetting it would have been hilarious. People used to make fun of me – but not anymore. After the training course, I had to learn what I was taught. You literally start over again and adopt a new way to speak.
"It's not easy and there's lots of thinking and lots of breathing exercises to do but I'm doing all right. I never, ever thought I'd be able to speak as well as I can now. I love my life. It's so different to how it used to be."
Jennifer enrolled on the McGuire Programme – an organisation that teaches people how to control their stammer. It helps them learn how to enjoy talking and strive to become eloquent and articulate speakers.
Jennifer travelled to Dundee for the course and paid £700 for coaches to teach her some life-changing tips.
She says: "I saw a programme on Channel 4 a few years ago and I was really interested. It followed two people on their journeys and I was completely overwhelmed. I watched these people grow and develop and I immediately wanted to sign up on the course.
"Obviously, it doesn't suit everyone and there was no guarantee that it was going to be right for me but I had to try something."
It took Jennifer another year before she found the courage to e-mail one of the co-ordinators. She learned more about it and was invited to attend the next session.
"I was so nervous," says Jennifer, who works at Royal Derby Hospital. "The course started on a Wednesday and finished on Sunday. You paid on Friday, after you've spent two days on the programme. That way, you can identify whether it is going to work for you and whether you think you can learn to control your stammer.
"The first thing they do is take a video of you talking. They get you to say your name and address and then they start asking you a few questions.
"It is all taped so you can see what progress you've made. I was nervous and that made everything worse."
The programme teaches stammerers how to use their breathing when they're struggling to get words out.
The toughest words for a stammerer are their name because it is something they have to say.
"I've met people on the course who have changed their name because they couldn't say it without stammering," says Jennifer.
"For some people, it's the hardest thing in the world to say. I used to find it very difficult too. To help me do it, and usually when I was on the phone, I'd say 'it's Jennifer Thornburn' instead of just 'Jennifer Thornburn'. It felt impossible to get the 'J' out - so I'd say 'It's' first."
Jennifer learned how to fill her diaphragm with air and now uses her breath to literally push out difficult words. It is called costal breathing.
Sometimes, you can hear her take a quick breath when she is talking but she never stammers. There is just one time during the interview when she encounters a "blip" but she immediately stops and repeats the word again.
"Years back, I couldn't say anything without constantly stammering and stuttering," says Jennifer. "My family, especially my sisters, used to laugh and joke. They'd look at their watch and say 'come on Jennifer, get it out – we haven't got all day'.
"Feeling panicky and nervous doesn't help a person with a stammer. It makes everything worse and in the end it makes you go quiet. It's actually easier to stop talking rather than making a fool of yourself trying to speak."
Jennifer never thought she would find a boyfriend and settle down. Marriage, she says, was just a dream. She also never thought she would have children because she did not want to pass on her stammer to them. Reading to them at bedtime, she says, would have been impossible.
She says: "I thought my future would be empty. I'd cry to my mum and I know it upset her. I honestly didn't know how I was going to cope with my stammer.
As soon as Jennifer completed the course, she took her mum out for a meal. She asked if she could order the food at the restaurant. It was a small milestone and a proud moment for her.
"I still have to challenge my speech every day and I have to do breathing exercises every morning when I get up," she says. "I also try and push myself as much as I can.
"If I'm in a shop, I'll deliberately go and ask the shop assistant something – just to see if I can talk well. I know people probably notice that I take big breaths when I'm talking, I'm not shy about it. I'm in control of it now and I always tell people that I have a stammer."
Jennifer has been back several times to the McGuire Programme. She has been on refresher courses, taken some staff training and is now supporting new members. She wants to help people who stammer.
"My stammer started when I was five years old," she says. "I struggled for a long time and when the time was right, I took control and found some help. It was terrifying but I wasn't the only person sitting in the room who felt afraid. Every single person was scared and worried. We all had stammers and we knew we were going to be pushed out of our comfort zone.
"And now I've never been happier. My life is full and I love it. I have a boyfriend and a wonderful job.
"Standing up at my sister's wedding and reciting a reading meant the world to me. I made a lot of people proud – including myself."
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