EY 'up ducks, here's a belter of a book to teach thissen the art of the Derbyshire dialect – if tha's not too much of a balmpot, that is.
Deciding that current guides to the language of our county were "neither nowt nor summat", author Mike Smith has written a comprehensive guide to the local tongue.
The 70-year-old has spent months compiling Derbyshire Dialect, a definitive dictionary of the strange and wonderful sayings which have evolved in the county.
Mr Smith, who regularly writes magazine features, was commissioned to write the book by publisher Bradwell Books. He said: "I was born in Leeds but I moved to Derbyshire 40 years ago and when I first got here I thought there was something wrong with me.
"There were all these people who were asking me if I was well. They would say 'Y'aw reet?' And I thought I must have some terrible illness I wasn't aware of.
"Anyway, I just kept hearing more and more of these strange words and phrases so, when the chance came to collect them into a book, I was really excited."
The book is divided into two parts, the first a 35-page dictionary of words and phrases in the Derbyshire dialect. The second half tells a series of local anecdotes.
Among the more obvious Derbyshire terms – like "duck" (friendly term), "cob" (bread roll) and "worro mi owd" (how are you, mate?) – there are others which seem to merge into neighbouring counties like Yorkshire.
Mr Smith said: "Derbyshire is very central, so there is this crossover, with words like 'nesh', meaning someone who easily feels the cold.
"But there is a real creativity with some phrases. Things like 'ower Bill's motha's', which means in the distance."
Mr Smith, who lives in Chapel-en-le-Frith, collected many of the anecdotes during his work writing features.
He said: "One of my favourites is about the village of Bugsworth. In the 1930s a campaign was started to get the name changed to Buxworth, with the idea that this was a softer-sounding name.
"But this caused a couple of problems. First, people just failed to recognise the change and kept calling the place 'Buggy'. And second, there was now a big space on the sign at the railway station because there were fewer letters in the new name.
"So, in 1999, a referendum was held to change the name back but a majority voted to keep the new name despite this."
Retired blacksmith Peter Oldknow and his wife Pauline, of Little Eaton, read excerpts from the book in the Derbyshire accent for the Derby Telegraph's website.
He said: "I knew about half of the words and phrases but was surprised there were so many I didn't know.
"It changes from village to village round here. If you go up the road to Holbrook you'll hear completely different sayings."
Derbyshire Dialect costs £3.99 and is available from most major bookshops.
TALKING DERBYSHIREEy up!: Universal greeting, also used as an exclamation.
It's gerrin a bit black ower Bill's motha's: Black rain clouds are building up. (Neither Bill nor his mother has ever been satisfactorily identified).
Cob: A bread roll.
Nesh: Used to describe someone who is soft, or feels the cold easily. For example: "Wot yuh got yer coot on for? It's not cowd tedee, yuh nesh bogger?" This means: "What have you got your coat on for, it's not cold today, you soft person?"
Mardy: Childish, easily upset, cowardly. Possibly from a spoilt or "marred" child. Restricted to an area between Leicestershire in the south and South Lancashire and South Yorkshire in the north.
Put wood int th'ole: Shut the door! (In South Derbyshire, this would often be followed by "Dusta com fra Oppenwoodgate?").
Sorrey: The local version of the traditional term "sirrah" (common in Shakespeare). Nowadays a term of familiarity.
Shut yer gob or ah'll cloth yuh one: Be quiet or I'll hit you.
